Just over 20 years ago I lost my maternal grandfather to suicide. He shot himself in the head. I still feel the same way today as I did 20 years ago when I recall sitting in his bloody recliner just hours after he did it- a horrible sense of confusion, sadness, loss and grief. My Spring time hasn’t been the same. It is often crippled with grief and sadness. Even more so since my bipolar diagnosis. But there is something to be said for Mother Nature’s persistence in Spring on beauty and renewal. It almost forces Her new energy into you. You have to accept and receive just as part of being held here. I went through everything I had ever failed at, crying my eyes out, declaring my own damnation. Then, it occurred to me that through every single defeat, setback, failure, mistake, and wrongdoing something else was happening too. Not only did I get back up, bounce back and learn something but I also received strength to grow closer to my Higher Power. I not only survived but I am learning to thrive.