I’m doing okay. You’re right, lessons are coming quick and I feel like I have to get them or the pattern just repeats itself and that’s often not comfortable or fun. I’ve been having M&M problems. I refer to them as the candy, M&M’s, as a joke but what it stands for is: money and men. They are like the candy in my life. I have to get a grip on both of them. No more squandering them away. No more useless, mindless tricks with them. I have to respect both of them and be grateful for them, everyday. It’s difficult and very challenging for me. Then there’s the smoking cigarettes, which I’m trying to give up and the weight issue, too. I have a lot on my plate in terms of changing my behavior. Deep breath.
I get overwhelmed when I think about it or look at it too long. It’s like: where to start? Then I end up throwing my hands up and just quit and go back to old behavior. I need a life coach, seriously. Someone to check in on me. Be held accountable for my actions on a day by day basis. I need a running buddy in all of this. I just haven’t found that partner, or person yet. But then, I feel like that’s an excuse my ego is making to stall me from making progress, NOW. So, I dunno.
I feel for you with the relationship issues. I lost my live-in boyfriend of 3 years about 5 years ago and I still have heartbreak over that. It’s like a part of you dies in a breakup or divorce. There is a grieving process for who they were when you were in love. But things and people change and that is what I am counting on, really. People grow together or they grow apart. Life happens. I wish you love and light everyday. I hope you find happiness in the end and during the journey. It’s the journey that really counts, after all. I feel like I’m in the muck of my journey but at least I’m conscious of what needs to happen. That makes me feel like there’s hope and light and my prayers help, too.
I’m leaning toward the love, toward solutions and toward my own empowerment. I’m learning to lean into the battle and take strides toward success, no matter how difficult it may be. I’m growing into the love and learning to love myself first now. It has to happen that way otherwise the big changes just won’t happen I don’t think. Let me know how everything is going. I think and pray for you often but would also like to offer you answers and real world solutions, too. Sometimes it may feel as though thoughts and prayers only go so far. Real world solutions and answers are what we need.
SHINE ON YOU BEAUTIFUL STAR,